Communication

I suck at English.

Obviously I can speak it but for some reason I seem unable to speak it in a way that other people can understand.  I actually have a running joke with all of my friends, when in public I will speak to someone who doesn't know me (i.e. a cashier or a hairdresser) and that person will look at me as if to say "was that English?" and my friend, whomever I am with, will then have to step in and say what it was I meant to say.

and after that long rambling you can probably  see what I mean...oy vey

ANYWAY, I have issues with communication. This can be problematic because in my day to day life I have to deal with many people who do not understand my language. So what's a girl to do?

Over the last 2 years I have been working as a Direct Support Professional for people with developmental disabilities, which means that I help them with their day to day lives so that they can live as normally as possible. This has helped me in two ways:

1) It has helped me to understand and appreciate how important communication is. It's amazing how much we take for granted. The people that I support have to use many alternate forms of communication and even then they are usually limited by their own bodies. At the very least I can speak and try to make myself understood. Try to get yourself understood when you can only "speak" about 100 words.

2) People are always going to understand what they want, not necessarily what you mean. This is often especially true of my co-workers. I will say something I think is simple, like "hey can you help with this laundry while I do X" and they will take it to mean "I am more important than you and folding laundry is beneath me" This leaves me going WTF?!? that's not what I said! So I have had to learn to choose my words carefully and tailor them to the person to whom I am speaking.

The most important thing that I have learned is something called "coaching the pause" its one of my boss's favorite sayings and honestly very helpful advice. It goes like this: when someone says something outrageous, inflammatory or just plain rude instead of responding right away you stop and take a second to digest what they said. Did they mean it the way that you think they did? Are there any other interpretations of what they said? How best can you respond to diffuse any tension rather then escalating the situation.

My boss is a MASTER of this technique and I have been trying to learn. It's slow going, but it has helped me with my coworkers and with others. I still get mad but I find that I can respond calmly and help the person express whatever is bugging them and come to a solution instead of taking offense and ending up in an unproductive screaming match with a peer (or worse a student!)